Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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