the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
