its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
