New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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