Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
