What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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