i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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