the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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