Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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