I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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