But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
