I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
