just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
