I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
