If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I intend to get homeless drunk
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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