They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
