make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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