Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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