I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
