writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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