...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
