he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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