She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
