everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
