I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
