So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
