She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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