If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
