i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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