Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
