Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
