It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
