There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
