This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
