I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
