Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
