My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
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