First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My vagina is very pro this idea
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
