this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Randomize
