he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
your like the ambassador to my penis.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
