Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
