Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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