I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
