Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
