Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
