smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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