I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize