umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
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