Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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