my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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