Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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