Where are you?
In a non slutty way
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
