I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
