we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
