I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
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