i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
