its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
