so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
