I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
