Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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