Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
