she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
