remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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