I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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