Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
