legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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