When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
