i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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