The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
