Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
