I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
