"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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