are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
